I took my first drink at the age of 12, and smoked cigarettes at the time too. It was 7 years after I had been sexually molested, and I was dealing with the trauma in all the wrong ways. My father wasn’t around due to his own mental illness and substance use problems. My mother […]
Hello Lovelies! I am proud to announce today that it is my 15th Wedding Anniversary! Today I’m going to be talking to you about marriage. I’ve been to the combat zone, I’ve conquered pain med addiction, recreational drug use, alcoholism, codependence, raising girls, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and the list goes on and on. […]
It is not implied that there needs to be a belief system in a 12-step program, it is required. AA, NA, and CR require a higher power in their 12-step programs. Spirituality is a significant part of the 12 step program. Now, to simply attend such groups, one does not require a belief system. The support […]
It’s that feeling that I just can’t shake off. You know, one that just sits on your chest, heavy as can be. Gnawing at you. Taunting you. It wears me out. I’m tired. So tired. Tired of thinking. Tired of planning. Tired of strategizing. Tired of wanting. Tired of striving. I need to clear my […]
Can I tell y’all how excited I am for this weekend? I finally get to go back out to my land with my family and get lost in nature! Nature is by far, the best thing for my recovery and sobriety. All the programs, doctors, counselors, etc. cannot do for me what nature does. I […]
My father wound ran so deep in my heart and soul it was part of my identity for decades. It was a wound that couldn’t be cured by running away. It couldn’t be cured by sleeping around for men’s attention. It couldn’t be cured by drugs or alcohol. It couldn’t be cured through co-dependence. It couldn’t be cured through isolation and depression. It couldn’t be cured by obsessive striving for success. It couldn’t be cured by becoming a control freak. It couldn’t be cured through anger and anxiety. It couldn’t even be cured through therapy and medication (though they were helpful). No. What it took was a relationship with my heavenly father to cure the broken relationship I never had with my earthly father.
We, as women, are expected to suffer. There’s this code that comes with having a uterus that states we suffer, we experience pain, and we push through, and we don’t complain. We can’t complain. We got shit to do right? Momma doesn’t get time away from motherhood for gynecological pain. The shit still has to get done, and I’m the only one who can do it. Life. Goes. On.
I am so sick of normalizing pain, just because historically we have suffered through it. There was a normal, logical explanation for my pain, and I was told I was “fine” I was “perfectly healthy and normal”…until I wasn’t. Sometimes the pain is valid, it is abnormal, and we shouldn’t have to fight so damn hard to prove it.
Today offers an opportunity of reflection. 16 years ago every heart in America was in mourning. On 9/11/2001 there were 2,997 American lives were lost (per CNN) in the heinous acts of terrorism. For some, today is a day like any other, others will forever mourn for those they lost. For many of us though, if we take the time to reflect on the last 16 years, we can see the impact this date has had on our lives, on our story, on our journey. This is the tale of how 9/11 affected my journey.
Without further ado, I present to you my life story in a list. The “life list” is easy to read, yet powerful. It is minimal but effective. There are therapeutic rewards to reviewing your obstacles and how you overcame them. Check it out and consider sharing yours….you never know who it might inspire, touch, or encourage.
Tell me one thing I survived that you want to know more about. I’ll write my next blog on it.
Parenthood is often times a dreadful balance of good and bad, right and wrong, deciding whether to control or expose. I’m always asking myself if I went to far, if I didn’t go far enough, am I enough? Am I good enough to be entrusted with these beautiful little lives? Certainly I am not worthy. Somebody throw me a life ring.